Apple jokes and sayings about iPhone and Co.

Apple and iPhone jokes

Here I unearthed a few sayings and jokes with and about Apple, iPhone, iPad and Co. I'll be happy to add to the list as I come across new jokes. If you like, you are also welcome to post a joke that is not yet known in the comments. Thank you and have a good time!

Apple and iPhone jokes

... as if Apple were doing something like that ...

Apple Our

Hallowed be your Apple.
Your Mac OS X Snow Leopard is coming.
Your Unix be done.
As in Mail, so in Safari.
Our daily iTunes give us today.
And forgive us for our illegal downloads
Just like we forgive our telecom.
And don't lead us to Microsoft.
But deliver us from the computer viruses.
Because yours is the iMac
and the MacBook
and the iPhone.

For eternity.

PC, Sun or Mac?

Three argue about the best computer. The first one says: "Real men work with a PC and let their children play with an Amiga." Then the second: "Real men work with a SUN and give the PC to the children to play with."
Finally the third: "Real men play with their children and let the MAC work for them!"

An OSX developer at a Vista seminar

A Mac OS X developer attends a Windows Vista seminar. Then Steve Ballmer comes up to him and asks him what he liked best about Windows Vista. The Mac developer replies: "That her and I don't have to work with it! "

Apple boss calls his predecessor

Apple boss Mike Spindler calls his predecessor John Sculley: "John, we should sit down."
"How about 15pm tomorrow?"
"Wait a minute, I have to look in my Newton message pad first."
A minute's break. "No, Mike. I don't have time at three. I have an appointment with Jjhdf Mbfserinsdt in the Rqjjebrwc-Bar."

... whoever had a Newton will know what is so funny about it! :-)

Microsoft versus Apple

Trial of Apple against Microsoft. It is about copyright rights to Windows Media Player. Today is the main hearing. Bill Gates wants to be kept abreast of what is happening. In the afternoon, an email from the Microsoft attorneys arrives: "The just cause has triumphed!"
Bill Gates emails back: "Appeal immediately!"

Windows Vista naming

What does Vista stand for in Windows Vista?
VVirus Iinside Switch To Apple.

Self-criticism ...

What is the difference between a Mac user and a terrorist? You can negotiate with the terrorist.

On the safe side

The software packaging said Windows XP or better, so I bought a Mac ...

Gone stupid

A man goes to the village pub with his iPhone.
Suddenly his stomach starts to rumble and he knows that he is about to fart.
So he quickly logs into iTunes and increases the volume properly - if the music is loud enough, nobody will hear me ...
So he farts.
When he then sees everyone staring at him, he realizes that he still has the headphones connected to the iPhone.

A little buggy

iPhone user meets Android user.
iPhone user: "Sorry, I'm late, my alarm clock didn't go off!"
Android user: "The meeting was postponed anyway. Didn't get a text message?"

A big one please ...

"One coffee please."
"What size?"
"I would like a big one."
"Yes, I can see that on your iPhone and the coffee?"


My wife said I am treating one of our children unfairly. I asked: "Which one? Philipp, Paul or the idiot who bought an iPhone".

apples and pears

Was Steve Jobs the Edison of our time, or shouldn't Apple be compared to pears?

Dreadfully ...

The iPad is already expensive ... I mean, you can't get that for an Apple and an i!

Tail comparison

Two Windows users meet:
One of them starts right away: I just got the new Core i7 with 16 GB of RAM and the latest GPU, with 7.1 Surround Sound Extreme and a 2 TB hard drive.
And the other: Oh yes, I have the latest AMD Phenom with 6 cores, 7.1 Dolby Digital sound, the latest generation of nVidia graphics, 500GB SSD and all of that with full-silent cooling.

Two Mac users meet:
One of them says: I have the blue one.
The other: ... and me the green one.

Recently on Amazon ...

Customers who read "Book - How do I get rid of my shopping addiction?" bought, also bought: "Apple iMac 27 inch Retina".


Customers who bought "Windows 10" also bought "Avast Anti-Virus family edition".

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  1. Dream says:

    The penultimate joke clearly shows the technical competence of the average Mac user.

    Sorry but that just had to be;)

    Otherwise there are really good jokes

    • sir appleot says:

      For such comments, it is better not to include a URL with an imprint. Mac users already know how to get the address out. ;)
      But I think I have to make a joke section for Android and a joke section for Windows. So everyone can choose their camp ...

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