Chuck Norris jokes and sayings: unbeatable and timeless

Chuck Norris sayings

Chuck Norris jokes and sayings about the roundhouse kicker, who is actually called Carlos Ray Norris Jr., are timeless and everyone from children to old people can laugh about them. Therefore you have landed on this page for sure: you are looking for the best Chuck Norris jokes and funny sayings about Chuck Norris and his apparently inhuman and supernatural powers. Because a joke about the star from Hellbound, Martial Law, Walker Texas Ranger and The Expendables always works. So without further ado, let's get to the list that should show you the best Chuck Norris jokes ...

The best Chuck Norris jokes and sayings

Whether in 2016 or 2017, you can tell these jokes and sayings about Chuck Norris to your friends on Facebook Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp send or remember and give it to the best on New Year's Eve. Have fun reading this Chuck Norris joke list:

  • Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac from Burger King - he got it, even with McFlurry for dessert.
  • Chuck Norris was stopped by the police once ... The cops got away with a warning.
  • In reality there wasn't one Big Bang. Chuck Norris just gave nothing a roundhouse kick and said: "Find a job!"
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice!
  • Chuck Norris is allowed to speak about the Fight Club.
  • In the cinema, Chuck Norris does not get a ticket, but a remote control.
  • Chuck Norris drinks his coffee black and without water.
  • If Chuck Norris wants to eat an egg, he'll peel a chicken.
  • Chuck Norris sneezes with his eyes open.
  • What are the names of Chuck Norris' memoirs? Guinness Book of World Records!
  • There are Chuck Norris jokes, but nobody laughs at Chuck Norris!
  • People don't die - they are killed by Chuck Norris.
  • The world doesn't really turn - it's Chuck Norris who jogs on the equator and makes the world rotate.
  • What Charles Darwin did not take into account in his theory of evolution: Giraffes are only horses that Chuck Norris has given a chin hook.
  • Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
  • Chuck Norris scrolled all the way down in Excel.
  • Apple Version: Tim Cook lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' MacBook will crash.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey, he just chews bees.
  • When Chuck Norris walks across a meadow, the flowers smell on him.
  • Children pee their names in the snow. Chuck Norris pees his name in granite.
  • Chuck Norris can eat a whole cake in a minute, including the stripper hiding in it.
  • Chuck Norris was never an actor, only a worthy monument had to be erected for this man for posterity.
  • If Chuck Norris were part of a sect, the members would worship him.
  • Chuck Norris invented the Internet so that everyone on earth would know their name.
  • Chuck Norris' mother didn't need a midwife or a doctor: Chuck Norris gave birth to himself.
  • Some kids sleep in Superman pajamas ... Superman sleeps in Chuck Norris pajamas!

Chuck Norris flat jokes - so dull it's funny again

A flat joke is a joke that builds on a nonsense. Sometimes it's just muddled or as the name suggests: flat. A joke like that doesn't have to make sense or have a direct punch line. The punch line for this type of joke is the laughter of those who hear or tell it. Here are some Chuck Norris flat jokes to tell, post and mail:

  • When Chuck Norris looks at the clock, he doesn't know the time - Chuck Norris knows the time.
  • When Chuck Norris takes a bath, he doesn't get wet - the water becomes Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he just pushes the sun where he needs it.
  • Chuck Norris is not afraid of death; death is afraid of Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris always wins at Maumau, poker and blackjack - and that too Pokémon trading cards
  • Chuck Norris doesn't tell jokes. Point.
  • Chuck Norris does not get dementia because Chuck Norris constantly forgets about dementia.
  • Chuck Norris has no reflection - because there can only be one Chuck Norris.
  • There are no Chuck Norris jokes - people just laugh out of fear ... out of awe!
  • Chuck, Chuck! - Who's there? - Chuck! - Chuck who? - Chuck Norris!
  • Chuck Norris will walk you to the end of the world, and that's where he'll push you.
  • Chuck Norris kidnaps aliens.
  • Monsters are scared at night that Chuck Norris is hiding in their closet / under their bed.
  • Chuck Norris collects data about the NSA - with a Macintosh!
  • Chuck Norris collected all the Pokemons - with the landline phone!
  • Chuck Norris documented the invention of the camera on video.
  • Chuck Norris glues tables under chewing gum.
  • Chuck Norris' car doesn't run on gasoline. It drives out of respect.
  • Peter Zwegat owes Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris has more credit cards than Susan.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris can overtake in the carousel.
  • Chuck Norris can stand faster than you can run.
  • Chuck Norris plays 4 in a row and wins in three moves.
  • Chuck Norris was recently stopped by the police. The police got away with a warning.
  • Chuck Norris can drown fish.
  • When a train wants to die, it throws itself off Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris can make a fire with a magnifying glass - at night!
  • Chuck Norris can reanimate the blind spot.
  • Chuck Norris has beaten up more people than IKEA.
  • Chuck Norris gets 20% on everything at Praktiker - EVEN on pet food.
  • Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
  • Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars. He was the power.
  • Death had a near Chuck Norris experience the other day.
  • What does it sound like when Chuck Norris goes fishing? "You, you and you. Come out!"
  • Chuck: "I remember the first time I lit a fart. It was in the Sahara rainforest."
  • Chuck Norris had recently peed in the tank of a truck. The truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
  • Chuck Norris passed his driving test. On foot!
  • Chuck Norris crumbles while drinking.
  • Chuck Norris extinguishes a major fire with blotting paper.
  • Since Chuck Norris was able to swim, Arielle is only a multiply woman.
  • Chuck Norris can sort M & Ms alphabetically.
  • Chuck Norris walks left on Super Mario.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't google. Google asks Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear rug. The bear is alive but is afraid to move.
  • Chuck Norris makes artificial turf grow.
  • Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  • Chuck Norris was interrogated by the FBI. It took 12 minutes ... Then they confessed to the fact.
  • Chuck Norris' daughter is called Chuckeline.
  • When Chuck Norris looks at the sun, the sun goes blind.
  • Some time ago, Chuck Norris and Superman wanted to find out who was the stronger. The loser had to start wearing his underpants over his pants.
  • Chuck Norris was thrown a party. 100 meters far!

Not just jokes and sayings on the web: Facts and fun about Chuck Norris in book form

There are not only innumerable jokes and sayings about Chuck Norris, but also a lot of fun facts and half-true facts that prepare his life and work with humor. In the form of two books, either in print or as a Kindle book, you can grab several hundred of the best Chuck Norris jokes on Amazon. On the one hand there is the book "Roundhousekick: The 500 best German-speaking Chuck Norris facts" by Jens Bolm. The 500 Chuck Norris Facts in bound form you get here. There are also other funny jokes and sayings from General Striker in this book.

  • Matching Wikipedia entry: Click
  • Official website of Chuck Norris: Click

 

CN Proverbs: Always better with the years

Chuck Norris Facts, facts, jokes and sayings: at the latest since 2005 - so they say - this type of joke has been haunted by forums, blogs and other platforms, especially on the Internet. Over the years the number of Chuck Norris jokes has surely gone into the thousands. Everyone knows at least one of these jokes and for many they are part of every social evening.

Funny Chuck Norris jokes are also available en masse in the form of memes for Facebook, WhatsApp and the like. The categories range from children's jokes to black humor. Here are five examples of a good Chuck Norris meme:

Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris as a Child: Meme as Net find

Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't walk across the water like Jesus, he swims on land! A great meme from the mesh.

Chuck Norris meme

So Google is also afraid of the man with the roundhouse kick: D - here the image source

That can happen from time to time ;) - Source here

When Chuck Norris calls, you either answer - or you answer!

Chuck Norris jokes about Corona

Of course, the pandemic has left its mark on the inventors of the never-ending Chuck Norris jokes. COVID-19 is, so to speak, a hit for the joke tellers and I have collected the best of the corona jokes with Chucky for you here:

"Chuck Norris doesn't cough because he's sick. He gives viruses a chance to escape."

"Corona disinfects its hands after contact with Chuck Norris."

"Chuck Norris can still buy disinfectants everywhere now!"

"Corona is afraid that Chuck Norris will spread."

"Chuck Norris started wearing a mask. I think we can panic now!"

"When Chuck Norris sneezes, Corona buys pasta and toilet paper."

"Chuck Norris has been exposed to the coronavirus. The virus has now been in quarantine for two weeks."

Do you have any additions?

Do you still know Chuck Norris jokes or Chuck Norris sayings that didn't make it into this list of the best "facts"? Feel free to leave more funny jokes as comments! And don't forget: Chuck Norris reads everything;)

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